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Luke and Hermes Make Toast

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(Crackfic) Luke and Hermes are making toast when they run out of grape jam. Will it be the end of the world? Contains Insane!Luke, Lesbian!Clarisse, Bulimic!Annabeth, Prep!Thalia, and many other crazy things. --Sparrowsong 22:20, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

P.S. Everyone is extremely OOC. Except Dionysus, who is actually relatively IC.

Chapter One

For no particular reason, Luke and Hermes were making mountains after mountains after mountains of toast. They had been at it for 3 days straight and didn't intend to stop anytime soon.

"You want some toast?!" Luke sang to some random Hannah Montana song. "I think you do!"

"Please add some jam and some butter too!" sang Hermes.

Luke paused and went looking for Hermes's favorite jam. He came back empty-handed.

"We're out of grape! So sad! It's all your fault, you bad dad!" sang Luke.

Hermes crossed his arms.

"You know what, son?" he asked.

"Yeah, Dad?" answered Luke.

"You got nerve!" exclaimed Hermes.

After they were done acting like idiots, Luke broke down crying on the floor.

"Waaaa!" he sobbed. "We're out of grape jam! So horrible! It's all my fault!"

"No, it's not!" Hermes exclaimed.

"Yes, it is," his whiny son blubbered.

Annabeth, who was suddenly so thin she made Paris Hilton look hideously obese, ran to the bathroom and puked her guts out.

"I'm bulimic!" she proudly announced, smiling and wiping the vomit off her mouth.

"That's nice," sighed Dionysus.

Luke stood up.

"You know what, Dad?!" he screamed. "We're gonna go out, searching the world for grape jam! How about we get at least one jar from every country?"

Hermes nodded.

"What a wonderful idea, Luke!"

And so, they got into a tiny, tiny, tiny wooden boat and sailed around the Earth, collecting as much grape jam as possible.

Meanwhile, Thalia was shopping in Hollister. She had her hot pink iPod on. It was decorated with rainbow unicorn stickers and packed with songs by Hilary Duff, Jonas Brothers, Justin Timberlake, and Justin Bieber.

"Like, OMG!" she yelled. "It's a purple Hannah Montana t-shirt! I have to have it!"

She spent all her money on the designer clothes.

Chapter Two

The gods were watching their TV, wondering where the hell Hermes was.

"Probably playing ding-dong-ditch or something," sighed Zeus. "Pretty typical of Hermes."

Suddenly, the news came on.

"Good evening," the reporter said. "I'm Jeanette North, and I've got some breaking news. Hermes and his famous son Luke Castellan have just gone all around the world, collecting millions of grape jam jars! Luke, what do you plan on doing with all that jam?"

A fair-haired boy with pale blue eyes appeared on the screen.

He smiled.

"First, we're going to spend the weekend making toast nonstop - literally!"

"Are you even going to stop to go to the bathroom?" asked Jeanette.

"Nope," Luke answered. "We'll just go in our pants. Screw pottytraining!"

Jeanette stared blankly at Luke.

"Ok...what are you going to do with all the extra jam?"

"Make April, daughter of Artemis, sell it," Luke replied. "You know, the chick with the bun in the oven?" (A/N: To read April's story, click here.)

Hermes came on the screen.

"I'm ticked at Artemis for reasons unexplained to the readers," he said. "So my son and I are making April spend a long, boring four weeks selling our jam. After she's done, we'll pay her $30. She severely needs it, that poor little knocked up kid."

Jeanette stared blankly at Luke and Hermes.

"Ok, then. Well, I guess this story is over. In recent news, Percy Jackson got Annabeth Chase pregnant!"

Athena and Poseidon hugged each other.

"Congratulations on being a grandma!" exclaimed Poseidon.

"Congratulations on being a grandpa!" exclaimed Athena. "I'm so glad we're sharing that grandchild!"

Everyone else just stared and gasped.

Then, the doors opened (A/N: Does Mount Olympus even have doors? LOL) and in came a girl with dirty blonde/light brown hair (it varied based on whatever mood the author was in *cough*Maximum Ride*cough*). It was...Clarisse La Rue!

"I'm a lesbian!" she screamed.

The gods all came to congratulate her.

Then all of a sudden, another person randomly decided to burst in. It was...Dora the Explorer!

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