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Never Let a Four-Year-Old Watch South Park

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CRACKFIC: Annabeth is visiting her dad in San Francisco. Percy can't go on a plane because he's the son of Poseidon, so Lisa was left with him. But Percy is sick, so Luke and Thalia are watching Lisa. Unfortunately, they haven't caught on to the fact that something disastrous happens everytime they bring Taylor to God-Mart. Read Whispers in the Dark first. Rated because I'm a hypocrite. Sparrowsong 05:45, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Chapter One

"Luke!" Thalia shouted. She was seven months pregnant. "I have a quiche craving, but we're out of eggs, broccoli, tomatoes, and basically everything else we need! I think it's time for a trip to God-Mart!"

"But honey," Luke groaned. "Hermes always shows up when I go there."

"Shut up and quit complaining before I shock you," growled Thalia. "Your main priority should be your poor knocked up wife, not avoiding Hermes."

Luke looked at Taylor and Lisa, playing Barbies and watching Blue's Clues. He sighed.

What a pity to destroy such a cute little scene by forcing the girls to go to God-Mart.

"C'mon, Tay," he called. "C'mon, Lisa. We're going to the store."

"Oh boy!" Taylor exclaimed, jumping up and clapping. She looked like an excited preschooler. "Will Grandpa be there?" She was referring to Hermes. She had a good relationship with him, but not Zeus. She didn't like her step-grandmother, Hera, who Zeus refused to divorce no matter how much she asked him to.

Luke looked away.

"Maybe," he quietly replied.

They drove to God-Mart. Of course, Zeus and Hermes were there.

Thalia and Luke just exchanged a nervous glance and tried to avoid their parents.

"Hi, Grandpa!" yelled Taylor, running up to Hermes and hugging him.

Luke gulped and ducked behind a shelf.

"Hello, Taylor," said Hermes. "Is your dad here?"

"No," the little girl automatically lied. "My daddy is not here."

"Are you sure he's not just hiding behind something and making you cover for him so he doesn't have to talk to me?" Hermes asked, looking suspicious.

"Yeah," Taylor admitted, nodding.

Luke came out, boiling.

"Hermes, you..." he began. Then he looked down at Taylor. "...Dork! How dare you even go near me!"

"Daddy," Taylor said in an eerily mature voice, looking up at her father. "Stop it. Of course he wants to talk to you, you're his son, whether you like it or not. How would you feel if I screamed and insulted you whenever you tried to talk to me? Daddy, you're thirty-one, and you're acting like a two-year-old. I'm turning five in a few months, and I don't act like that. Would it kill you to behave like a responsible adult?"

Luke just gave Taylor a blank stare and walked away.

That's exactly what I wanted to tell him, Hermes thought.

Taylor spotted some cookies and ran to shoplift them. She tripped and fell on her butt.

Taylor's eyes welled up with tears.

Luke ran to his little girl, expecting her to say "I have an ouchy!" or whatever normal four-year-olds said when they had a "boo-boo."

Instead, Taylor shouted out the most horrifying four-letter word that could possibly come out of a four-year-old child's mouth.

Everyone turned and gawked. Luke laughed nervously.

"Luke, what have you been teaching that kid?!" Hermes asked.

"I-I have no clue how she learned to say that," insisted Luke. "Honey, who taught you that word?"

"The babysitter let me watch this show," replied Taylor. "It was called South Park. I learned lots of new words from it. I think Cartman is kinda mean, though."

Luke felt like banging his head against a wall.

The End

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