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Suicide Cookies

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Humorous one-shot. May want to read Whispers in the Dark. --Sparrowsong 23:59, November 19, 2009 (UTC)

Chapter One

The gods sat on their thrones, watching Olympus's Funniest Home Videos. The commercial break ended and the show started up again.

A young girl with black hair and bright blue eyes was on the screen. She wore a Green Day t-shirt and a black skirt.

"Hi, I'm Taylor!" the girl exclaimed.

"How old are you, Taylor?" asked a voice they recognized as Percy Jackson, son of Poseidon. "And who's your mommy?"

"I'm four," Taylor answered. "And umm, my mommy's name is Thalia Grace."

Zeus glanced at Hermes, who the girl bore a strong resemblance to.

"Just why does my Thalia have a kid that looks like you?" he questioned.

"I...I don't know," Hermes nervously answered.

"Today I am going to show you how to make suicide cookies," Taylor grinned. "Just a sec, Uncle Percy."

The gods exchanged glances with each other.

After a minute, Taylor returned carrying a small bowl, a spoon, and several very odd ingredients.

"First, you take some poison," she instructed, pouring what was obviously orange juice into the bowl.

Hermes, Aphrodite, Poseidon, Apollo, and Ares chuckled.

"Microwave it for ten seconds, then add some poop."

Taylor dumped chocolate chips into the juice.

"Eww!" she exclaimed, wrinkling her nose. "The poop smells bad!"

The gods all burst out laughing.

"Did she just say 'the poop smells bad?'" giggled Aphrodite.

"Yup," responded Hermes, laughing so hard he was crying. "That's what she said."

"Pour in a little bit of laundry detergent," Taylor continued. As she said this, she poured flour into the bowl. It made her already pale face even whiter, along with her clothes and hair.

Even Artemis grinned.

"Now for the flesh-eating maggots and live scorpions."

Taylor grabbed some raw macaroni and mini pretzels and threw those in.

"And finally, you need one diseased brain, preferably all chopped up and gooey."

She pulled out a package of ham and tossed the meat into the bowl.

"Now, this is optional," she added. "But if you want the person to die a particularly long, painful, and horrible death, you can add some gasoline."

She poured maple syrup into the bowl. After stirring it up, she had something that looked like garbage, only less edible.

At this point, the gods had all fallen off their thrones laughing. Most of the gods couldn't breathe and a few of them had even peed their pants.

Taylor put the suicide cookies on the table and hid underneath it, stifling a giggle.

A young woman with dirty blonde hair and stormy grey eyes walked over. She was clearly Annabeth Jackson, one of the world's most powerful daughters of Athena.

"Mmm, cookies!" she said.

She pretended to eat them up, then faked dropping dead.

Taylor came out from underneath the table.

"And that's how you make suicide cookies! See you next time on the internet-famous YouTube web show, The Taylor Show!"

The End

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