Remember Suicide Cookies? This is the webshow mentioned there. I hope you like it.
Episode One: Taylor and Disney Movies
(A/N: Some of this is borrowed from cracked.com. I don't own any Disney movies!)
Thalia: *Operating camera*
Taylor: *Playing with dolls*
Thalia: Hey, Taylor, have you seen any Disney movies lately?
Taylor: *Turns around* Yeah.
Thalia: What lessons did you learn from them? They're supposed to be educational, right?
Taylor: *Looks thoughtful for a minute - well, as thoughtful as a toddler can look* In Hunchback of Notre Dame, I learned that you shouldn't judge people by their appearance. Oh, and the ugly guy never gets the girl, no matter how cool and brave and awesome he is.
Thalia: *Giggles* What else?
Taylor: In The Little Mermaid, I learned that when choosing between listening to your parents' very well-meaning advice and making a deal with the bad guy, you should always make a deal with the bad guy. Even if it means potentially getting people killed.
Thalia: What about Peter Pan?
Taylor: If some weird guy who is quite possibly on acid hangs around your window at night and asks you to let him in, even though your parents tell you he's crazy, you should always let him in! Oh, and just ignore fairies. They're all bitchy snobs.
Thalia: Wasn't there another one? About a puppy who makes friends with a fox?
Taylor: Oh, yeah! The Fox and the Hound! I learned that sometimes, people are different, and that's just awful!
Thalia: What did you learn from Beauty and the Beast?
Taylor: Nothing says "I love you" like house arrest. And if your boyfriend's abusive, don't call the cops on him or anything - just convince him you love him and he'll magically turn into the prince of your dreams! Oh yeah, and in Aladdin, I learned that...the only way to make someone love you is by lying to them! Don't worry, they'll forgive you no matter what!
Taylor: One last thing - it's fine to abuse your stepkids as much as you want. You won't even go to jail for it! And if your stepparents are being abusive or violent towards you - screw Kids Help Phone! If you just wait around long enough, your fairy godmother will come and fix every little thing that's wrong with your life!
Thalia: *Laughs* And so concludes another exciting episode of...The Taylor Show!